


Forget me not, my love, my darling. Please don't let me go.

by kusuriuri



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alzheimer's Disease, M/M, Old Married Couple, blink and you'll miss it Jean/Eren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-29 21:06:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6393760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kusuriuri/pseuds/kusuriuri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Long married couple Erwin and Levi and their struggle when Levi is diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. </p><p>Levi forgets his husband, Erwin's devotion is put to the test, and the true meaning of loving someone more than yourself is achingly redefined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forget me not, my love, my darling. Please don't let me go.

**Author's Note:**

> An anon requested the movie Away From Her as a fic idea, and I took a liking to it immediately.

They sit at their kitchen table, eating dinner by candlelight.

Levi chews thoughtfully, eyeing Erwin's clothes and asks, "When did I last wash that sweater?"

Erwin looks down at it, an eyebrow raised as he munches. Levi had washed it a few days ago, but just doesn't remember. So he jokes, "Right after the war." Levi snorts cutely and rolls his eyes, but Erwin continues, smiling, "Christmas of the 70s. 80s maybe."

"Oh, shut up," Levi laughs, throwing a piece of asparagus at him.

 

 

 

 

  
They wash the dishes together, and Erwin finishes towel-drying a saucepan, handing it over to his husband.

Levi takes it from him, looking down at it for a moment. Then opens the freezer and places the saucepan inside.

He walks slowly over to Erwin, looking up at him with something confused in his eyes. But he just murmurs, "I'll go make the fire."

Erwin watches him go, just stays where he is by the sink. Then walks over to the freezer, takes out the saucepan, and puts it quietly in the cupboard where it belongs.

 

 

 

 

  
Erwin reads to Levi on the couch in front of the fire. He wears his reading glasses and Levi rests his head on Erwin's lap, suddenly taking the blond's hand in his.

"Don't worry," he says softly, "I'm probably just losing my mind."

Erwin just shushes him, and continues to read, long into the night.

 

 

 

 

  
They live out in the middle of nowhere, and they go walking through the forest near their house, holding hands.

Levi crouches down near some yellow flowers and says, "I look away for one second, and I fucking forget what yellow means. But then I just look again. Oblivion is kinda nice sometimes."

Erwin watches his husband trail his fingers down the yellow petals, and says nothing, just looks down at his feet.

 

 

 

 

 

Erwin eyes the post-it notes, stuck to every drawer in the kitchen. _Cutlery. Dish towels. Pots and pans._ He chuckles softly.

"What?" Levi raises an eyebrow.

"You could just open the drawers. Remind yourself," Erwin smiles. "Maybe all the labels and lists are defeating the purpose. If you stopped thinking about things the moment you write them down, maybe that's the end of your need to recall."

Levi approaches him slowly, opening his mouth, "I read this book. About the German soldiers on border patrol during the war in Czechoslovakia," he looks up at Erwin, eyes shining. "All the patrol dogs wore this sign saying _hund_. The Czechs asked them why, and the Germans just said _because that is a hund_."

Levi walks past him, into the kitchen behind him, and Erwin eyes him closely.

Erwin wonders if there will ever come a time when he will have to wear a sign reading _husband_.

 

 

 

 

 

They are eating dinner, and Levi tries to read the wine bottle while pouring them both another glass.

"Ween..." he murmurs to himself, frowning down at the bottle in his hands. "Wai... wain..."

Erwin watches for a moment, then says, "It's wine, darling."

Levi looks up at him in surprise, stating quickly, "I know that."

He looks back down at his food, and Erwin watches him eat, reaching over to refill their glasses for him.

 

 

 

 

 

They sit in the doctor's office, the young blond doctor, Armin, in front of them.

"Levi, if you found a letter on the street, addressed, with a stamp on it, what would you do with it?"

"Mail it," Levi tells him.

"And where would you put it to mail it?"

Levi thinks for a long moment, frowning in slight confusion, and the young doctor scratches something onto his notes.

"And if there was a fire in a movie theatre, and you were the first person to spot that fire, what would you do?"

Levi swallows, pausing for another long moment with his brows furrowed. He just answers, "Well... we don't go to the theatre much, anymore, right, Erwin. All those places showing the same American shit." He doesn't meet Armin's eyes, playing with his wedding band. He suddenly gets up out of his seat. He looks around the room, confused. "Where's my coat?"

Erwin tells him softly, "It's on your chair, darling."

Levi looks disgruntled, coming back over and putting on his coat.

"Levi," Armin's voice is gentle, "Would you mind if I asked you a few more questions?"

"I'm just cold, that's all," Levi huffs, sitting back down in his chair, and Erwin gazes at the side of his face.

 

 

 

 

 

They are in the car when Levi frowns. "When did we move into this house? Was it last year or the year before?"

Erwin looks over at him, chest tight. "No. It was longer than that, darling." His voice is soft. "It was ten years ago."

Levi just says, "Oh," very quietly.

 

 

 

 

  
Levi sits on the floor, flipping through books on Alzheimer's, as Erwin watches him from the couch, his head resting on his hand. He doesn't want to be sitting here, doing this. Levi is too young, it makes no sense.

Levi reads out loud, " _'Never let a person make you feel guilty for your anger with God'_." His tone is amused when he looks up at his husband. "Fucking random."

Erwin doesn't share his smile. "I don't see what the point of this is. We can't be certain this is what..." he trails off, unable to get the words out. _Alzheimer's_. "You're far too young, Levi."

Levi doesn't answer, just picks up a different book. His voice is a drawl, " _'Should the person afflicted remain at home, the caregiver will often be the spouse. The caregiver must preside over the degeneration of someone they love very much, must do this for years and years, must put up sometimes with deranged but at the same time very personal insults, and must somehow learn to diagnose a wide variety of ordinary ailments under extraordinary circumstances. Imagine the person you love the most suddenly upset about something, but completely unable to communicate the problem or even to understand it himself._ '" He looks up at Erwin, eyes shining with mirth. "Sounds like a regular marriage."

Erwin laughs before he can stop himself.

He wishes he could cry instead.

 

 

 

 

 

Levi goes out for a walk one afternoon. It is dark when Erwin looks out the window, because Levi still hasn't come back. He goes out to search for him in the car, and eventually finds his husband on the bridge, fidgeting in the cold.

Erwin winds down his window, smiling lightly, "Hello, there."

Levi turns to look at him and just says, "Oh. Hello there," then turns back around.

Erwin blinks confusedly. Then gets out to walk over to his husband, leading him back to the car.

 

 

 

 

  
It is later on when Levi is sitting in Erwin's over-sized sweater, skin flushed pink from his hot shower, hair a damp mess on his head.

"We are at that stage, Erwin."

Erwin swallows, looks down at his hands, at the wedding band resting there. He doesn't want to send Levi away to a care facility. "It mustn't be something permanent. Only an experimental treatment. _Temporary_."

He wants to add, _please_ , but doesn't. He wants to beg, but doesn't.

Levi reaches over to touch his hand, and murmurs, "Okay."

 

 

 

 

  
"You're sure?" Erwin asks. Levi had found a facility, asking Erwin to go see how it is.

Levi nods. "I'm sure."

"You don't want to just... get a sense of the place?" The blond gazes at his husband's small form. "I don't want to make this decision alone."

Levi turns to him and frowns. "What place?" Erwin's heart drops. Then Levi suddenly grins, "Just kidding."

Erwin chokes on a shocked laugh as Levi giggles. The blond smiles, "Fuck you." _How is Levi able to joke about it so easily?_

Levi sips at his tea, laughter subsiding. "You're not making this decision alone, Erwin. I've already made up my mind."

Erwin wants to beg Levi to stay with him. But he just nods, and turns away.

 

 

 

 

 

Erwin drives to Shiganshina Care Centre, walking through the glass doors.

He eyes the aged patients, wandering around on walkers, and feels his chest ache. Levi's hair is not even grey yet, like these people.

"Mr. Smith?" An androgynous looking person in glasses comes towards him from down the hall, holding out a hand for him to shake. "Hange Zoe. I'm the supervisor here at Shiganshina."

Erwin greets them, shaking their hand.

"I'm going to take you on a quick tour of our facility, and then we can sit down and discuss your husband's condition and the appropriate time for admitting him."

Hange takes him down the hall and shows him the rooms. They tell him about the social function they strive to maintain. They show him the common rooms, where residents sit with their families; couches and a large television. They show Erwin the dining room, telling him about dietary preferences and restrictions.

"Let's go upstairs, then, shall we?" Hange presses the button on the elevator, and two old ladies on walkers approach them.

"Oh, look at this one," one lady says to the other, "He's a real charmer, isn't he? Would you say you're a charmer?"

Erwin laughs, "You could say that."

The ladies giggle and Hange smiles. "Mr. Smith is here about his _husband_. Behave yourself."

"I should have known it. At this age, all the charmers are taken, gay or dead," the lady says disappointingly, and the other lady nods in agreement. "Mostly dead."

The elevator dings and Erwin smiles. "You're quite the charmer yourself, ma'am."

Hange holds the elevator for him and he steps in.

 

 

 

 

 

They come up onto the next floor and step out.

"This is our second floor, the extended care wing. This is where the patients can move to when they become more progressed."

Erwin eyes an old man in an armchair, staring into nothing. "That's an interesting choice of words."

"Why don't I show you some of the rooms here, while we're at it? Then we can go back down and see the regular rooms where your husband will be living."

Erwin doesn't move to follow them. "No, that won't be necessary. My husband will not be progressing to this floor."

Hange smiles understandingly. "All right." They press the button on the elevator.

Erwin watches a young nurse disapprovingly, spooning food into an old woman's mouth. "Who chooses the music?"

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm assuming it's not the residents. I don't see any of them singing along."

"Yes, well. The rooms on the regular floors all have their own stereo systems so the patients can listen to whatever they like."

"How kind," Erwin monotones, and gets into the elevator.

 

 

 

 

  
Erwin sits across from Hange in their office afterwards.

"We don't have any openings this month, so Mr. Smith will have to wait til January to make the big move."

A young man with green eyes peeks his head in the door. "Sorry to interrupt. I'm looking for those documents on Farlan Church."

"Sure. Go ahead," Hange says, then turns back to Erwin. "Mr. Smith, this is Eren, our managing nurse."

Eren laughs. "Against some people's better judgement."

Hange chuckles. "Mr. Smith is here about his husband, the other Mr. Smith, who will be joining us in January."

Eren leans over to shake Erwin's hand, and the blond smiles politely at the young man.

Hange continues, "We also have a policy, which I'm sure you saw in the brochure, that our new residents are not allowed visitors or receive phone calls in the first thirty days, just to give them a chance to settle in."

Erwin frowns. "What sort of visitors?"

Hange looks up at him through their glasses. "Everyone, Mr. Smith. Even close relatives."

The blond shakes his head firmly. "I can't just leave him here."

"We understand it is very difficult to leave a loved one in a new environment for so long. But most people need that time to settle in," Hange sighs. "Before we had this rule in place, residents would forget again and again why they were being left here. But if you give them the month to settle in, they're happy as clams!" Hange waves their hands expressively as they speak, but Erwin's face doesn't change.

He is not sure if he can do this.

 

 

 

 

 

It is very early in the morning, and Levi turns to look at Erwin sleeping next to him. He watches his chest rise and fall, and pushes the stray strands of blond hair away from his face.

Levi looks away and gets out of bed.

 

 

 

 

  
He sits at their table, still wearing Erwin's shirt with a cup of tea in front of him.

Erwin comes down the stairs in a robe, stubble on his chin.

Levi opens his mouth, "I was going to go for a walk, but I thought I shouldn't chance it. With the Alzheimer's and all."

Erwin pours a cup of coffee that Levi had made for him and asks, "Why didn't you wake me?"

Levi doesn't reply, just leans over to tap the pile of papers on the table. "What are these?"

Erwin sits down, silent for a long moment. He takes a deep breath. "Those are the documents you're supposed to sign if you decide to go to Shiganshina."

"That's exactly what I've decided," Levi states. " _You_ were supposed to go and sign these and leave them there."

There is something helpless in Erwin's eyes as he looks down at the table. "I wouldn't be allowed to visit you for thirty days."

Levi gazes at his husband, eyes softening as he sees the pain on the blond's face. He gets up from his seat and goes over to him, wraps his arms around him from behind. He feels Erwin lean into the embrace, and Levi kisses his hair, murmuring, "Thirty days is nothing compared to 15 years."

"I don't think I like the place," Erwin says quickly.

Levi laughs breathily. His husband is acting like a child. "I don't think we should be looking for something we fucking _like_ , Erwin. We'll never find that. All we can aspire to is a bit of grace."

Erwin doesn't say anything, just holds onto his husband's hands, leaning back against his chest.

 

 

 

 

 

December flies by, and Levi's birthday is upon them.

They dance in their living room, and make love over and over.

And then January is here, the day comes, and Erwin still doesn't know if he can.

 

 

 

 

 

Levi stands in front of the mirror, a large bag beside him. He is dressed up and handsome, and Erwin wants to beg him to stay. Levi says, "I guess I'll be dressed up all the time. Like in a hotel, or something." He looks over at Erwin and his lips quirk up. "How do I look?"

"Just like always," Erwin tells him. "Just as you've always looked."

Levi rolls his eyes amusedly. "And how does that look?"

Erwin swallows around the lump in his throat, eyes following the soft curves of his husband's face. "Direct and vague," he murmurs. "Sweet and ironic."

Levi pauses, breathing in. He raises a thin eyebrow, fighting a smile and whispers, "Is that how I look to you?"

Erwin wants to smile, but can't bring himself to.

 

 

 

 

  
They are in the car and they drive past the forest they walked through so many months ago.

Levi suddenly leans forward in his seat. "Oh. Remember?" Erwin's eyes widen, and Levi smiles, "You surprised?"

"No, I'm not surprised," Erwin chuckles, "I'm just happy you can remember that."

"I'm not all gone, Erwin." Levi waves a hand in the air, looking out his window. "Just... going." The blond listens to his soft tone. "There are things I wish would go the fuck away. But won't. You know... before I met you. Things like my shitty childhood." Erwin watches him in the mirror as he murmurs, "I'm going. But I'm not gone."

 

 

 

 

 

They park the car in front of the building, and Levi unbuckles his seat belt.

Erwin doesn't do the same, just pleading, "Levi..."

Levi just looks at him. "Erwin."

"Don't go." Erwin's voice shakes.

"That's what is happening, Erwin," his tone is quiet. "It's happening... right now." He opens the door and gets out, walking over to the entrance.

 

 

 

 

 

Levi walks stiffly through the glass doors, and Erwin hurries in behind him, still not ready.

"Levi," he calls, but his husband ignores him, marching up to the front desk.

"Hi. I'm checking in today. Levi Ackerman-Smith."

"Yes, Mr. Smith, we have your room all ready for you. I'll fetch Dr. Hange Zoe for you. They're expecting you."

"Thanks."

"Levi," Erwin says again.

Levi finally turns to look up at him.

The blond whispers, "I can't go away from you like this."

The smaller man takes a deep breath, quoting from the book they have been reading together, _"You could have just driven away and forsaken me. But you didn't. I thank you for that."_

Erwin's chest aches, a lump in his throat. Levi has his hands on the blond's cheeks, stroking his skin as he looks at him.

Erwin can't do this.

Hange comes towards them from around the corner. "Mr. Smith, how do you do. I'm Dr. Hange Zoe." They shake Levi's hand, glancing over to Erwin. "Should I give you two a moment?"

"Yes," Erwin says, at the same time as Levi says, "No."

Hange looks back and forth between them, noticing that Levi is shaking his head. They smile a bit, deciding to trust the patient.

"We'll get you settled in your room, and then I'll give you a tour of the facility."

Levi follows them wordlessly, Erwin trailing behind.

 

 

 

 

  
Hange shows them to Levi's new room; spacious with a large bed and couch.

"This is fine," Levi says to Hange.

"Good. I'm glad you like it." They glance down at Levi's bag. "Is this all you've brought with you?"

"For now," Levi replies.

Erwin adds lowly, "We'll see how it goes."

Hange looks between them thoughtfully, seeming to understand. "If you need any help arranging things, just let me know."

"Thanks," Levi states. "If you don't mind, I'd like some time to say goodbye to my husband."

"Of course." Hange closes the door behind them.

Erwin is sitting down on the bed when Levi turns back around, and just whispers, eyes pleading, "Please, Levi."

Levi sits down softly next to him, looking at him. "Erwin." The blond opens his mouth to say something else, but Levi doesn't let him. "Erwin. I... want you to fuck me. And then I want you to go. Because I need to stay here, and if you make it hard for me, I don't know if I can."

Erwin feels like crying, nods and touches his cheek, watching his husband's lips tremble.

 

 

 

 

  
Erwin takes him slowly, roughly, in a way that made them feel breathless. Levi muffles his own sounds with a pillow as the intense press on his prostate makes him whimper, and Erwin keeps whispering his name, pleading, and it is making the pleasure too much to bear.

When Levi comes, he sobs, the tears streaming down his face. Erwin kisses them away, pressing their lips together, and when he comes he feels a lump in his throat, pushing it away.

 

 

 

 

 

They lie in bed afterwards with Erwin spooning him from behind, and Levi whispers, "Go now."

There is a long pause, until Erwin finally presses a long kiss to his bare shoulder from behind. He rolls out of bed, collecting his clothes quietly.

Levi breathes, his bare body feeling cold, and buries his face in his pillow to hide the tears, at least until Erwin is gone.

 

 

 

 

 

Erwin closes the door to Levi's room behind him, stepping out into the hallway.

He buckles up his belt properly, zipping up his pants, and a nurse stares at him disapprovingly as she walks past.

He imagines he would laugh, normally, but doesn't have the energy to.

 

 

 

 

 

He sits down on a couch in the dining room, not ready to leave, and watches two residents converse in sign language.

"Hi, Mr. Smith." Eren walks over and sits down beside him.

Erwin nods in greeting, watching the residents without really seeing them. "...Levi has always been a different sort of person. I've been told that Alzheimer's can't even be confirmed until after..." he trails off. _What if Levi didn't even have Alzheimers? What if this is a huge mistake?_ "On our way here today, we passed this forest that we went for a walk through a few months ago. And he pointed it out to me. Isn't it the short-term memory that is supposed to go first? He remembered that." He looks down at his wedding band.

Eren nods, a sadness in his eyes. "Yes, the short-term memory does go first. But not all at once. What's comforting is that the long-term memory sometimes stays for quite a long time."

"What if this is all just him being himself? He's too young..."

The young man pauses, breathing out. "He is young. And it is hard. A month is a long time." He takes a card out of his pocket. "Look, I'll give you my work number. You can call me whenever you want. Every day, if you feel like. I will keep an eye on him."

Erwin takes the card gratefully.

He doesn't know what to do.

Hange suddenly steps into the room, walking towards him purposefully."Mr. Smith? Your husband wrote you this note. He asked me to pass it along."

They hand him a small piece of paper, and Erwin unfolds it.

 _I love you_ , it reads, and it takes everything in him to not break down and cry.

 

 

 

 

 

_Throughout much of the thinking brain, gooey plaques now crowd neurons from outside the cell membranes. And knotty tangles mangle micro-tubal transports from inside the cells. All told, tens of millions of synapses dissolve away. Because the structures and sub-structures of the brain are so highly specialized, the precise location of the neuronal loss determines what specific abilities will become impaired._

_It is like a series of circuit breakers in a large house, flipping off one by one._

 

 

 

 

 

Days pass.

They say once you get back into routine, what seems like forever flies right on past.

It was not like that for Erwin. Thirty days was forever for him.

 _"He's really settled in well,"_ Eren's voice comes through the speaker on his phone.

"Good. That's good."

_"Just remember, tomorrow when you get here, he may be a little surprised to see you. Don't be shaken by that. He just hasn't seen you in a while."_

Erwin pauses at that, but says, "I understand."

 

 

 

  
He has a bouquet of flowers in hand when he knocks on the door to Levi's room, opening it, but his husband is not there, so he goes searching the public rooms.

He steps into the dining room, scanning the residents seated around tables, and stops when he sees the familiar dark head of hair. A smile spreads over his face, relief rising in his chest, and he walks over to his small husband.

Levi looks up, and his face alights with a smile.

Erwin feels his heart skip a beat.

Levi brings a finger up to his lips, gesturing for Erwin to stay quiet, and Erwin's face drops a bit in confusion.

Levi stands up, leading them away from the table and he leans in towards the blond as he whispers, "Fucking rabid card game going on. Don't want to disturb them." They sit on the couch in the corner of the room, Erwin studying his husband's face. Levi states thoughtfully, "I remember being like that in college. My husband and I would cut class with our friends and play and smoke." Erwin feels his heart drop. "One's name was Mike... um... I don't remember the others."

Erwin swallows. "Mike Zacharius."

"Oh. You knew him too?" Levi smiles. "Do you want tea or something?"

Levi knows that Erwin only drinks coffee. "I don't drink tea."

"Oh."

Erwin feels a heavy weight in his chest. He takes a breath. "I brought you some flowers. I thought they might brighten up your room. I went to your room, but you weren't there."

Levi raises an eyebrow at him and says, "Well, no, I'm here," as if it were the most obvious thing. He smiles again, and Erwin swallows, a lump in his throat.

"So you've made a new friend." He gestures towards the blond man in a wheelchair who Levi had been sitting next to. He looks young, too young to be here, just like Levi.

"Oh, that's just Farlan. I knew him years and years ago." He smiles, looking over to Erwin with eyes so bright. "He reminds me so much of my husband, you know. Well, he's not as handsome as my husband," he snickers, and Erwin is sure that he feels his heart break in that moment. Levi looks up at the ceiling. "My husband is three years older than me. I live with him in this cottage on a lake."

Erwin fights back the lump in his throat. "Levi, I know. It's where _we_ live, you and I."

Levi blinks confusedly and smiles. "Really?" He turns back to his table. "I better go back."

Erwin pushes away the desperate tears that come to his eyes. "Will you be finished soon?"

"I dunno, depends," Levi shrugs. He points to the corner of the room. "If you ask that grim old lady over there, she'll give you a cup of tea."

Erwin just stares at his husband's face. He had forgotten already that Erwin had just told him he doesn't drink tea. "No, I'm fine."

Levi smiles. "Okay."

He stands up, walking back to his table, and Erwin watches him sit down next to Farlan. He stares at his husband from across the room, realizing he is still holding the bouquet of flowers.

 

 

 

 

  
Erwin sits in his car, the bouquet beside him, and leans his head against the steering wheel for a long time.

 

 

 

 

  
He comes again the next day, with fresh flowers.

Levi is playing cards again, sitting next to Farlan, and looks up at Erwin across the room. He gestures to him to wait a second.

Eren comes over to Erwin, who just stares at his husband as he asks, "Does he even know who I am?" But he already knows the answer.

The young nurse takes a deep breath. "...He might not. Not today. You never know, though. Tomorrow he might."

Erwin sees Levi glance up at him, and he smiles when their eyes meet.

Levi comes over to him, a smile on his face. But the smile drops in confusion when Erwin kisses him on the cheek. He fidgets and his eyes dart around, smoothing his hair uncomfortably and wringing his fingers.

When Farlan calls over to him, he apologizes to Erwin politely and goes back to his friend without a second thought.

Erwin watches his husband hurry away from him, feels the heavy sadness settle in his chest.

He stares at Levi for another moment, then turns around and leaves.

 

 

 

 

 

Erwin watches from the window one day as Levi goes for a walk with Farlan outside.

He sits in the corner on another day and watches, as Levi and Farlan sit side-by-side and watch television, laughing along with each other.

 

 

 

 

  
He comes in through the glass doors, a pile of books in hand, and Hange looks up from where they are standing near reception. "Ah, Mr. Smith. I think you may be one of our most frequent visitors!"

Erwin smiles politely and continues on. He walks through the hallway towards the dining room, and sees Levi wheeling Farlan in his direction.

"Levi," he calls, smile alighting his face.

His husband sees him and smiles back, an eyebrow raised. "Wow, you're fucking persistent, aren't you."

"I brought you some books. Some we always meant to read together." He sees Levi's face drop in confusion, looking down at the books in Erwin's hands. He wonders if Levi is remembering things, when he makes that face. "Do you think we could talk somewhere alone?"

"Uh, I don't know. Farlan's card game starts in a few minutes, and then we usually go walking, and then he does his drawing..." Levi babbles on, and Erwin nods.

"Well, perhaps you can find a bit of time later on. I'll wait. Or I can come back in a few hours."

Levi pauses, searching his face, and Erwin almost thinks he remembers. But he just smiles. "You are fucking persistent, aren't you."

 

 

 

 

 

Erwin sits in the common room and watches television with the other residents, his head rested in his hand. He laughs along with them, and when he feels a hand on his shoulder he turns his head.

He is so surprised to see Levi there that his mind draws a blank of what to say.

Levi swallows. "I just... came down to say Farlan is in his room now. If you'd like to talk."

"Of course," Erwin blurts, still so pleasantly surprised. "Can we go somewhere a little more private?"

"...If you want." Levi nods hesitantly, and leads Erwin down the hallway.

Erwin almost rests his hand casually on his husband's lower back as they walk, but stops himself just in time.

 

 

 

 

 

They arrive at Levi's room, and the smaller man sits down on his bed, so Erwin seats himself on the couch across from him.

He feels like he hasn't talked to his own husband in so long, gazing at his small face.

Levi raises an eyebrow. "...You said you have some books for me?"

"Yes," Erwin says quickly, reaching for the pile next to him. "Yes, I do." He is so relieved, so happy, that Levi remembered that, even though it was only a few hours ago.

He hands the books to Levi, and the smaller man takes them, looking down at the book on top of the pile. Erwin watches his reaction, watches his face suddenly light up.

"Oh, my husband reads this to me," Levi smiles.

Erwin swallows. "...Does he now." He doesn't know what else he should say. Is this the stage when he is supposed to wear a sign reading _husband_? He watches Levi shuffle through the pile, as he pauses on another book. Erwin tells him gently, "You always said you wanted to read that one."

Levi looks up at him, brows furrowed in confusion, then looks back down at the book again. He murmurs, "Did I say that?"

"Yes, darling."

Levi looks up at him in surprise. His eyes are alight with something, like the words of affection are familiar. But the brightness in his eyes is gone in the next moment as he swallows. "Well, I better go get Farlan, so we can go for a walk." It looked like he had been on the verge of remembering, and Erwin feels the familiar sinking of his heart as he listens to his husband talk about another man. "Nice chatting with you. You'll be back again tomorrow, I guess?"

"Levi..." Erwin says before he can stop himself, "What are you doing with Farlan?"

Levi's face drops. "He... he reminds me of..." He trails off, his eyes looking out of focus, like he isn't really there with Erwin at all. A long pause as he swallows, then smiles, repeating, "I'll see you again tomorrow, I guess."

He stands up and walks out of the room, leaving Erwin sitting on his couch, staring after him.

 

 

 

 

 

Erwin sits outside with Eren on his smoke break and asks, "These affections between residents. Do they ever go too far?"

Eren laughs, taking a drag of his cigarette. "I think I get what you're asking. But it's not like that. I can see why you would be worried, though."

Erwin looks down at his feet. "I sometimes wonder... if he's just putting on some kind of... charade."

Eren frowns. "A what?"

"An act. Maybe... a kind of punishment."

The young man looks very seriously at him. "Why would he do that."

Erwin doesn't say anything, just shakes his head.

 

 

 

 

 

Erwin sits on the couch in the dining room, watching Levi at a table with Farlan. Hange comes in, checking on the residents, and Erwin says, "Excuse me."

Hange turns to him. "Mr. Smith. How can I help you?"

Erwin gestures towards his husband across the room. "Levi is wearing someone else's sweater."

"Oh, it's nice, isn't it?"

"No, it's not nice. It's tacky," the blond states, eyeing the striped sweater distastefully. "He would never wear that."

Hange smiles. "Well, I'll tell you what. You can talk to the duty attendant on your husband's wing, okay?" They go over to an old woman, and Erwin watches Levi touch Farlan's arm gently.

"I'll be back in a second," Levi tells the other patient quietly, beginning to walk away, but Erwin stands up abruptly, intercepting him.

He grabs Levi's hands in desperation. "Levi. I'm your husband. It's Erwin." Levi jumps and looks down, away from him distressingly, avoiding his eyes. "We've been married for 15 years, Levi. That isn't your sweater. I'm your husband, Levi, please."

Levi breathes hard, ripping his hands out of Erwin's grip. He swallows, patting his hair down nervously, before pulling Erwin by the arm. He leads him around the corner, out of Farlan's sight.

Erwin watches his face, the anger, like he is about to cry. He looks confused for a moment, his face scrunching, but then the expression suddenly drops.

"I'll see you again tomorrow." He breathes for a few moments, looking back up at the blond. His voice is soft. "Please... don't. Don't." He swallows. "You're fucking persistent, aren't you?" He smiles, looking down again. "I wish... I knew what..." Erwin feels a lump in his throat at the sight of his husband looking so confused, but Levi just wipes his eye and sniffs. "I'll see you again tomorrow."

He smiles up at Erwin, wiping his eyes, and Erwin watches him walk back around the corner.

 

 

 

 

 

He sits on the couch watching Levi one day when a freckled young woman sits next to him.

She stares at him and asks, "No one came to visit you, huh?"

"Oh, I don't live here," Erwin tells her. "I'm just visiting someone."

Ymir looks towards the residents at their tables. "Who? Which one?"

"The cute little man," Erwin smiles. "With the mess of hair."

"Oh. The one sitting with his boyfriend?"

Erwin pauses. "You might say that."

"Why wouldn't you?"

"I wouldn't say that because I'm his husband," Erwin tells her.

"So why aren't you sitting with him, then?"

Erwin gazes at Levi across the room. "I've learned to give him some space. He doesn't remember that he's married to me. I don't want to disturb him; I just want to see him and make sure he's doing well." He looks over at Ymir and smiles a bit. "I suppose I must seem rather pathetic."

Ymir shakes her head, and says softly, "...No. Not at all," and they sit together in comfortable silence for the rest of the afternoon.

 

 

 

 

 

One day he comes to visit, and Levi is not in the dining room where he usually is. One of the residents recognizes him and tells him, "He's not here."

Erwin frowns and thanks them, turning and going over to Levi's room. He knocks and opens the door, and sees Levi in bed with a box of tissues, looking up at him in surprise.

Erwin pauses. "I brought you a book."

Levi sniffs. "Thanks."

Erwin hesitates. Levi doesn't know him, and he doesn't want to overstep his boundaries. He sits by the bed, feeling his chest ache when he sees Levi's puffy eyes and pale face. "What's the matter?" he whispers.

"Farlan's family took him home with them." His voice shakes, blowing his nose into a tissue.

"Oh."

It happened often. People who decide they want to care for their family members at home, rather than a facility. It is what Erwin had wanted to do. He wishes he had never brought Levi here.

He hesitates for a long moment. Then reaches his hand over - the one with his wedding band - and places it on top of Levi's.

The smaller man stares at him, eyes watering, but doesn't say anything.

"Perhaps you'd like me to read to you?" Erwin asks softly.

"...I don't have any books."

Erwin doesn't feel the familiar disappointment that Levi had forgotten; just takes it in stride. Instead he just looks over to the pile of books he had brought, feigning surprise. "Oh, there are some."

He reads to Levi for a long time, his husband sniffing quietly as he listens.

 

 

 

 

 

Levi is lying on his bed when Erwin comes in and smiles. "Mr. Smith. How would you like to go on a field trip?"

Levi sits up to look at him, blinking curiously.

 

 

 

 

 

They drive past the forest they walked through together so long ago.

Levi doesn't say anything, but Erwin can't help but keep expecting he will.

 

 

 

 

 

He takes Levi to their home, and the smaller man blinks at the furniture, looking around the house in wonder.

"They've kept it all the same," he states quietly.

"Who has?" Erwin asks.

"The people who live here."

Erwin watches his husband trail his fingers over their furniture.

He wonders who Levi thinks Erwin is.

 

 

 

 

 

They go for a walk outside, and Levi stares at the scenery, voice so soft. "Everything just reminds me of him."

Erwin feels faint hope rising in his chest. "Who does everything remind you of?"

There is a long silence.

Levi swallows thickly, looking down at his feet. "I'd like to go home now," he murmurs.

Erwin feels the hope fade, heart breaking all over again.

 

 

 

 

 

"Mr. Smith?" Hange calls to him. "As you know, by our policies we will have to move your husband up to the second floor very soon, I'm afraid."

Erwin's face doesn't change, eyes blank with lack of emotion. "I'm quite aware of your policies," he tells them. "I'm more than aware of your _fucking_ policies."

Hange looks down, nodding and turning away. Erwin wants to scream at them, but realizes that it would be worse if they had apologized.

 

 

 

 

 

"What's the second floor like?"

He is out with Eren on his smoke break again, feeling exhausted and tired.

Eren looks at him. "It's for people who have really lost it."

"Levi is... almost there, I think," Erwin says, eyes out of focus. "I want to take him home with me. But he doesn't even know who I am. I took him back to our house for a visit. But he wanted to come back here."

Eren takes a deep breath, blowing out smoke. "Sometimes they get it back. They have no idea who you are, and then one day they ask you _when are we going home?_ They're back to normal. It doesn't last long, but it happens."

The older man looks down at his feet. "I haven't asked you about yourself. Are you married?"

"Engaged," Eren smiles. "His name's Jean."

Erwin looks at him with such helplessness. "What would you do in my situation?"

_I don't know what to do._

The young man stares at him, arm dropping to his side. "...Exactly what you're doing, Mr Smith. I would do whatever it is I think is best for him. I'd never stop loving him."

Erwin breathes softly, nodding towards the ground.

Eren offers him a cigarette, and he takes him up on his offer.

 

 

 

 

 

Erwin comes into Levi's room, closing the door behind him.

He stands by the door, watching his husband sitting on the couch.

Levi looks up at him, face brightening. "I found this book. You and I have been meaning to read this one for ages." He holds it up. He scrunches up his nose, remembering something. "Oh and they got the fucking clothes mixed up. I never wear shit like this."

Erwin blinks slowly, watching his husband flip through the pages of their book.

Levi's voice is so peaceful, tinged with a smile. "I remember you reading this book to me. You were trying to make me feel better. You tried so hard." He looks back up. "You're a good man, you know. I'm so lucky."

Erwin breathes, chest tight. "Levi-..."

"You've been gone a fucking long time," Levi tells him. "Are we all checked-out?"

Erwin wonders how long it will be before Levi forgets again.

He walks over to Levi slowly, putting a hand on his husband's cheek. He strokes it gently with his thumb, forcing a smile. "You're moving rooms, Mr. Smith."

His hand drops back to his side, and Levi cocks his head in confusion. A nurse comes in, and leads Levi out of the room and into the elevator, Erwin trailing behind.

Erwin can see the blatant confusion on Levi's face. The smaller man keeps looking at him, furrowing his brows as if he wants to say something, as if he doesn't understand. As if he remembers.

They get to the second floor, to Levi's new room, and the smaller man's face brightens as he looks around.

He had been looking like he wanted to protest a second ago, but it seems he has already forgotten.

Erwin watches his husband smile.

Feels his chest warm at the sight.

He does not see the way Levi stares after him. He just turns away, walking down the hallway and out.

 

 

 

   

  
Erwin hears the soft patter of footsteps behind him.

He turns, heart thudding as he sees Levi hurrying towards him, bare-foot and hair a mess. His eyes go wide as Levi knocks the wind right out of him, pressing their lips together.

Erwin freezes, eyes wide as his husband kisses him.

Levi pulls away, his eyes shining so bright and beautiful. He quotes from their book, _"You could have just driven away and forsook me."_ His smile drops, confused. _"...Forsooken me."_ His eyes glitter with his memories. _"Forsaken."_

Erwin feels the lump in his throat, feels his heart soar, and murmurs, "I would never."

Levi buries his nose in his husband's chest and whispers, _take me home._

Erwin knows Levi might forget who Erwin is tomorrow, and the day after and after as well.

But he can feel the tears running down his own face, can feel his husband's warmth in his arms, and decides he does not care at all.

**Author's Note:**

> P.S. Erwin does take Levi back home with him


End file.
